Chapter Four: Hurry and Download the Island’s Short Film

“Heavens above! I’m just an innocent, harmless citizen who dutifully watches Japanese films—why must you curse me with this damned perverted system?” Geng Haoshi continued to spiral into madness...

Faced with Geng Haoshi’s ashen face, the system “obediently” chose to... keep talking: “Dearest master, I suddenly remembered a poem from your planet—‘If life deceives you, do not be dismayed, do not be impatient. In gloomy days, be calm. Believe, for days of joy will come…’”

“You! Shut! Up!” Geng Haoshi dove under his quilt, wrapping himself up tightly.

Lunchtime passed… dinnertime passed… and Geng Haoshi was still under his covers. During this time, he replayed his brief life in his mind...

All my life I’ve been honest and upright, with a clear conscience before heaven and earth—yet now I’m doomed to die at the hands of this perverted system. I haven’t even held a girl’s hand... “Sigh—” Thinking of this, Geng Haoshi let out a long, mournful sigh.

“…Master, if you continue hiding under the blanket… you’ll start to smell.”

Hearing the system’s voice, Geng Haoshi’s anger flared, and he was just about to unleash a tirade...

“Grrr... grrr...” Geng Haoshi hadn’t eaten all day; even the fat in his belly was likely starting to consume itself.

Throwing off the covers, he shuffled to the dining hall in his slippers, moving like a zombie...

Along the way, everyone passing by pinched their noses.

“…Master, you really do smell now…”

Geng Haoshi was so hungry his vision was blurry; he no longer had the strength to respond to the system.

Though dinner hours were over, the dining hall was still bustling with people.

The university had six dining halls, each numbered in order of construction. For convenience, they were evenly distributed across campus.

There was a dining hall right beneath Geng Haoshi’s dormitory—the second hall.

The third hall, however, was closest to the girls’ dorms, so a large number of female students ate there every day.

Every day, just to catch a glimpse of his campus goddess, Geng Haoshi would take a detour to the third hall for his meals.

Today was no exception. Though famished, his instincts still drew him to the third hall near the girls’ dorm.

“Boss, a bowl of braised noodles, please.”

After waiting a few minutes, Geng Haoshi picked up his steaming noodles and found an empty seat. He always ate alone.

He absentmindedly shoveled mouthfuls of noodles into his mouth...

“Master, your campus goddess is sitting at a sixty-degree angle to your left, having dinner.”

This system’s multi-threaded, extraterrestrial synchronization monitoring was truly formidable—it had deduced even this closely-guarded secret of Geng Haoshi’s through behavioral data analysis. No wonder it called itself a superintelligent system.

“Goddess?” Geng Haoshi instantly perked up, as if revived by an elixir.

Sure enough, he spotted his campus goddess eating with three other girls in a corner ahead and to the right.

Her name was Xu Jiaojiao, a sophomore in the Drama Department of the Arts College. Her striking looks and ethereal presence had made her the dream girl of all the men on campus.

Geng Haoshi had once sworn before a photo of Miss Cang: if Xu Jiaojiao became his girlfriend, aside from birthdays and major holidays, he would never watch Miss Cang’s videos again.

He gazed at Xu Jiaojiao, so entranced he forgot to swallow the noodles crammed in his mouth.

“…Master, your campus goddess is looking at you.”

For some reason—perhaps she’d just noticed a chubby guy with a mouthful of noodles staring blankly at her—Xu Jiaojiao looked in his direction and gave a sweet smile.

Geng Haoshi hurriedly covered his mouth with both hands. Just then, he suddenly sneezed...

A stray noodle shot out from his right nostril!

“…Master, you…” The system began to warn him.

Geng Haoshi sucked in sharply, swallowing all the noodles—nose and mouth together—in one go.

The system was speechless.

Wiping the grease from his lips, Geng Haoshi exclaimed excitedly, “Did you see that? Did you? My goddess smiled at me!”

“…Master, don’t you have the sensation of eating a booger…” Watching Geng Haoshi slurp a noodle from his nostril into his mouth, the system was so disgusted it would’ve spewed code had it been able.

“My goddess smiled at me…” Geng Haoshi sat there, mouth agape, eyes dreamy. Anyone passing by would have taken him for a simpleton.

He remained frozen in that silly pose until his goddess finished eating and left, only then regaining his senses.

“…Master, you seem to be mistaken about something…”

Geng Haoshi was still savoring the goddess’s smile, ignoring the system.

“…Master, actually, I know why your goddess smiled at you.”

“You know?” That piqued Geng Haoshi’s interest.

“Yes, Master. Using my built-in brainwave analysis system, I monitored your goddess’s δ, θ, α, and β waves in real time…”

“Just get to the point.” Geng Haoshi hated the system’s convoluted technical explanations.

“Very well, Master. My analysis shows your goddess was laughing at you.”

“…”

“Master, compared to the other three girls at her table, her ridicule index toward you is nearly zero. So, you don’t have to feel too bad.”

“Ridicule index?”

“Yes, Master. Your goddess’s ridicule index is almost zero—there’s just a hint of mockery in her smile. However, the other three girls’ ridicule index is nearly maxed out—bordering on utter contempt.”

“I don’t even know them. Why would they despise me?” Geng Haoshi doubted the system’s assessment.

“Master, from my analysis of the scene, it’s because you sat there, mouth stuffed with noodles, staring dreamily at your goddess with a goofy, lovesick expression. They truly believe you’re a toad lusting after a swan.”

Geng Haoshi was already getting used to the system’s habit of rubbing salt in his wounds without restraint.

“Master, don’t be too upset. It’s just that your current moderately obese, scruffy, slightly sleazy appearance invites their scorn. Once you complete the first mission and get those eight-pack abs…”

“…then I’ll dazzle their little eyes!” Geng Haoshi shouted, leaping to his feet, his belly fat jiggling in triplicate.

This sudden outburst drew the attention of everyone in the dining hall. Once again, Geng Haoshi was the object of bewildered stares.

But none of that could extinguish the flames that now burned fiercely in his heart!

“It’s settled, then!” Geng Haoshi tossed down his chopsticks and strode back to his dorm brimming with resolve.

Once inside, he stood before the mirror, lost in thought, as if wrestling with some painful dilemma...

“…Master, what’s troubling you?” The system began to worry at the sight of his blank expression.

“Tell me, 9527, do you think I should shave?” Geng Haoshi asked, gently stroking his stubble as if it were some precious treasure.

“…Master, I think you should.”

“Do young women these days not like men with facial hair?”

“…Master, as long as you’re handsome, facial hair or not, you’ll always be popular.”

“But Miss Cang likes it… Should I shave or not?” Ignoring the system’s answer, Geng Haoshi rambled on.

“…Master, as far as I know, you’ve never even met Miss Cang. How do you know what she likes?”

“Oh, and you call yourself a multi-threaded, extraterrestrial, superintelligent system?” Realizing that even 9527 could be at a loss sometimes, Geng Haoshi thought smugly, For once, it’s my turn to lecture it. “Aren’t you good at analysis? Use your big data system to watch all of Miss Cang’s films and you’ll see—she clearly has a preference for scruffy men!”

The system fell silent.

“So, you see, whether a person—or a system—shouldn’t be too arrogant. Always keep learning, keep improving, and you’ll better serve your master. Don’t you think so, 9527?” Geng Haoshi felt immensely satisfied at getting the upper hand.

“…Understood, Master. Downloading Miss Cang’s films now…”

“Good. Download them all, study them well, and ask me if anything’s unclear. When it comes to Miss Cang, there’s nothing I don’t know.” Geng Haoshi basked in his own sense of superiority.

“Download complete… Opening now…”

“Not bad. Pretty efficient.”

“…Unable to open… Found a virus…”

A familiar electric shock ran through Geng Haoshi; he convulsed and drooled uncontrollably...

“…Virus eliminated… Master, are you alright?”

“…You did that on purpose!” Geng Haoshi’s teeth chattered as he spoke.

“Come now, Master. You more than anyone should know—downloading those films almost always gets you a virus…”

“…Don’t you come with built-in antivirus software? Who’d believe that!”

“Since you’ve decided to start working on your first mission, I suggest you get to bed early tonight,” the system said, deftly changing the subject.

Geng Haoshi let out a long breath, looked at his reflection in the mirror, and murmured, “Miss Cang, forgive me. Thank you for your many years of gentle company… But for the sake of my goddess Jiaojiao…” With that, he picked up his razor and shaved off all the stubble he had long considered the hallmark of his maturity and charm!